What doesn't kill you....

Well, I received the saddest voicemail message yesterday..."Unfortunately, your pregnancy test came back negative. Call us back on the second day of your cycle to schedule an ultrasound."  I was by myself in my car when I heard that voicemail message and alone as I cried the entire drive home to my husband's arms. I honestly don't know what I would do without his calm and reassuring support. He is my rock in these times of anger, hopelessness, guilt, and sadness. After crying it out in his arms, I managed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and decided to start again on the provera today. I am not willing to give in to the hopelessness that tries to creep into my heart, instead I want to try another cycle asap.

I know what I want. I want to be a mother to my child. This may sound a little crazy, but I feel like I already know this unborn child of mine. I know him. I can almost see him. I just can't find my way to him. There is something standing in my way and I want to knock that obstacle down with all my strength. If that means putting my body through more IUI and then IVF or even considering adoption later on, I will do it. I'm not giving up. Not this time. Not ever. I have hope and I have faith and I will find my child one day.